These bourgeois pigs in business class must be purged from our skies. Why let them board an airplane early, free from the desperate urge to jostle for a space in the overhead bin for their sensible leather carry-on just so they can sip mimosas and sneer at the poor, corn syrup-coated plebes seated in zones 2 through 6 as they haul all of their worldly possessions to the back of the plane? It’s wholly unjust that the elitist scum spreading their legs at the front of the plane should travel so much more luxuriously than their fellow humans in coach, which has, thanks to the inexorable normalization of air travel, become little more than a Greyhound bus that makes your ears pop and may, at any moment, plummet from the skies, leaving you and your discount Travelocity boarding pass ignominiously vaporized in the Catskills. Everyone on the plane may, in that case, die, but only the business class passengers die with dignity.

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